


King of His Heart

by Llama1412



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s03e10 Queen of Hearts, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-28
Updated: 2010-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llama1412/pseuds/Llama1412
Summary: After the events of Queen of Hearts, Arthur is afraid to show love for anyone because he doesn't know what his father will do to them.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 19





	King of His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on livejournal in 2010. Posted unedited.

It had started a while ago. Arthur had tried to ignore it. It was hopeless, after all; unrequited. If Merlin felt the same, he'd never have encouraged Arthur's relationship with Guinevere.

Not that he didn't love Gwen. He did. It was an innocent love, sweet and undemanding. He wanted to lie in a field with her and kiss her and simply be near her. It was a love that would've been acceptable, had it not been for a serving girl.

That love was denied, now. He couldn't let Gwen pay for his feelings, for his rebellion. Especially not when there was another whom he held closer to his heart. It wasn't fair to her and he refused to put her through it. No, it was better for the court to believe that they'd both fallen prey to a love spell and that its affects were gone now.

So he'd keep his distance from her, regretful, but satisfied with the knowledge that she'd be safe now. The problem was that now he had nothing to distract him from the slow burning love he'd come to feel for Merlin. He knew it was wrong, he knew it would never be allowed. More than that, he knew that Merlin didn't feel the same and that knowledge of Arthur's feelings would only create a bridge between them that Arthur couldn't afford. He _needed_ Merlin in a way that shamed him for being so dependent on another person. But he couldn't help it. He needed Merlin near him, he needed Merlin to trust him - as much as he did, which was a surprising lot even with all the secrets. He simply needed Merlin.

So he kept quiet about everything he knew. If Merlin knew that Arthur knew about the magic, he'd pull away from Arthur, afraid and self-protective. And yeah, that knowledge hurt, but Arthur understood it. He'd done nothing to show Merlin that he was different than his father, that he wouldn't condemn a sorcerer simply for the crime of magic. He _couldn't_ show Merlin that, because that would mean Merlin becoming even more careless and even closer to Arthur and Arthur didn't think he'd be able to control himself if Merlin got any closer, if he allowed himself to simply be instead of being a non-magical servant.

He kept his mouth shut and hoped that Merlin would be able to save him each time he got into more trouble. He spoke of his father's policy on magic to warn Merlin, though it seldom seemed to work, and he pretended that he never saw anything.

Because the fact was that if his father had been willing to burn Gwen simply because he loved her (and the sorceress bit, but that was a direct result of Arthur's feelings for her), then Uther would do much worse if he ever discovered that Arthur loved a man. Not only a man, a sorcerer. But Arthur knew he was under no spell. He wished he were, because at least then it would mean that Merlin loved him back, but he wasn't. His feelings were his own, the result of a disobedient servant who was never afraid to talk back and never afraid to be Arthur's friend. He'd fallen in love with the most loyal person he'd ever met and he couldn't have him because revealing his feelings would mean betraying that loyalty. And Arthur couldn't do that to Merlin. Not ever.


End file.
